Friday, May 16, 2014

True Conversation

Mom: How did they get ahold of his Tweeter? 
Me: Um, you should probably call it Twitter. 
Mom: Why? 
Me: Because it sounds like you're talking about his penis. 
Mom: Teehee! What's the difference between men and women? 
Me: What? 
Mom: It's vulgar. Men have tweeters and women have twatters! Teehee!

I love my mom. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

So ... side business??

Yeah, so I was bored at work, as is a fairly common occurrence, and I just grabbed this little pad of paper, whipped out a blue ball point pen, and went at it, with no real idea at what I was trying to create. At first, it was just going to be an eye or a sketchily-drawn portrait of no one in particular, but gradually it became this:
In case you're wondering, that's a water droplet ... probably.
Considering my tools, not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I remember nodding in approval as I filled in certain areas, and I was so focused on creating this masterpiece that I didn't realize that I had gained an audience. And then somehow, I was asked to design two tattoos for my coworkers ... and they offered to pay me.

Okay, so while this may seem fairly commonplace for an artist, um ... this is the first time I was offered compensation for any of my art. It was a little bizarre, actually. Sure, I've done a couple of expos, and some of my pieces were printed in my high school and college literary magazines, but that's not the same thing.

Anyway, I agreed and went about creating the first one from a sample image that my friend gave me; I went a different direction with the art, opting for ancient Egyptian influence (except for a yin yang symbol) and arrived at this:
The basic version, without personalization. Also, symmetry is HARD.
It was so much fun trying to incorporate Egyptian iconography - the disc behind the yin yang represents the sun, as does the circle above the cobra's head, and the stylized falcon wings were influenced by several statuettes I researched, and ... I should stop now because that would take forever - and I was a tad bit sad when I realized that I was pretty much done with it.

I completed two versions, which is posted on the tattoo designs page, and then went onto start the second tattoo: a Celtic cross with a lily (plus three lily buds) and a hibiscus. As I sat down with a ruler and a protractor - two things I thought I'd probably never use outside of a math class - I had kind of an epiphany.

I could start a portfolio and see if I could do this for some extra cash! Not really a novel idea, but I got super excited and terrified. Plus, even if I were to start job searching when I finally get up to Kentucky by the end of the month, there wouldn't be a guarantee that I could find anything quickly. I know, I am rationalizing my desire to be a profesh artist and author, but this is the first real opportunity that I've had to get some exposure.

So I guess I should start pinning my style down now, right??

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Life With Pets - Kitty Ferry

In a sparsely decorated kitchen in rural Tennessee, BITSY, a small gray and white tabby, stands atop the lone refrigerator and surveys her surroundings. It is midday, and the sounds of a "Friends" rerun plays in the background. She looks around the kitchen and then plaintively wails.

BITSY: MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Off stage, we hear JUJU trip over something.

JUJU: (off stage) What is it Bitsy?

Rubbing her knee, Juju appears, looking back and silently cursing whatever she ran into a few moments before.

BITSY: I don't want to be up here any longer. 
JUJU: Then get down.
BITSY: Help me.
JUJU: So  you're telling me that, even though you were able to jump up there with no problems - using the window ledge that is less than two feet away from you, I might add - you are now incapable of just retracing your footsteps.
BITSY: (beat) Yes. 
JUJU: Sigh. Fine.

Juju approaches the fridge, arms outstretched to grab her little kitty, but Bitsy has other ideas. She leaps onto Juju's shoulder, sinking her claws in for "balance."

JUJU: OMG OW. FLESH. I HAVE FLESH.

Bitsy seems less than aware that her caretaker is in any pain and proceeds to turn around and stick her butt in Juju's face. ZOLA, the sweet, if slightly dumb, English bulldog, having heard Juju's cry, bounds into the kitchen with fervor, followed closely by a curious BINA, the only chill, although perpetually hungry, cat in the household.

BINA: Food? This is the place with the food?
ZOLA: I have no idea what I'm doing. 
BITSY: Mommy is my Kitty Ferry. Also, I would like to go to the mantle above the fake fireplace. Your fleece is there, and I'd like to cover it in my hair so everyone at work and beyond will know that you are mine.

KITKAT, with her air of superiority, ambles into the kitchen, and Bitsy, her arch nemesis, hisses at her as a warning. Of sorts. 

BITSY: You cannot get me up here, so I am brave. 
KITKAT: Whatever. I can't reach you, so I'm being blas√©. FOR NOW. As a side note, I am not entirely sure I know what blas√© means.

Juju, annoyed that her TV watching was interrupted by a cat with the attention span of a gnat, picks up Bitsy and sets her on the washer (what? she didn't design the layout of this house).

JUJU: Well, since I'm in here, I might as well get a snack. Or something. 
BINA: Snacks? Doesn't that mean food?
BITSY: Come back! I suddenly remembered that I need to be on your shoulder!
KITKAT: I am biding my time.
ZOLA: Laaaaadeeeedaaaaaa!

Juju starts to rummage through the fridge for whatever leftovers she can find, while Zola intently watches her, wishing that somewhere in there a treat waits for her (there isn't one). Bina is also hopeful, but she is also aware that Juju never feeds her from the fridge. Kitkat loses interest in the scene and decides to sulk elsewhere, and Bitsy takes the opportunity to leap onto Juju's back.

JUJU: Bitsy. What are you doing?
BITSY: You are my ferry. 
JUJU: I can't stand up straight now.
BITSY: That's okay.

As Juju tries to stand up straight, Bitsy digs her claws into her back.

BITSY: Hey! Stop!
JUJU: For fuck's sake, Bitsy!

Simply responding to biological impulses, Juju shoots straight up, which only causes Bitsy to latch on tighter. Juju lowers back down to a perpendicular angle and turns her head to glare at Bitsy.

JUJU: It's a good thing you're adorable, by the way.

Zola thinks that it is playtime and tries to give Juju kisses. 

JUJU: How IS it that this is my life every godforsaken day?

Bina sniffs her food bowl, which has been licked clean by Zola earlier as Juju folded laundry and watched "Friends." She makes no sound, but her expression is judge-y. Kitkat returns into the kitchen, instinctually knowing that Bitsy is in a better position in which she can be attacked. Bitsy, still clinging to Juju's shirt (and skin), hisses at Kitkat again, but Kitkat's eyes are locked onto the kitten ... and the pupils are dilated into Kill Mode.

BITSY: TYRANNICAL NOT-FRIEND! 

Bitsy arches her back and puts her tail, still unaware that Juju is getting ready to go ape-shit because of the tiny talons digging into her back. 

KITKAT: You will be my noms.
BITSY: Nuh-UH! MOMMY WILL PROTECT ME.
BINA: Food?
ZOLA: I don't think that's playing. I should go.
JUJU: Dear GOD, your CLAWS, Bitsy!!

Juju manages to distort her body and arms enough to where she can grab Bitsy and cradle her. Kitkat has lost interest in her prey, and Bina finally figured out that the food bowl still had kibbles in it. Zola meekly peeks around the corner into the kitchen. 

ZOLA: Is it safe?

Kitkat meanders right past her but stops briefly to look at the now-timid bulldog. Zola lowers her head and widens her eyes.

KITKAT: I shall spare you my wrath today, Slobbery One.

As if nothing had happened, Zola bounds into the kitchen and plops on the floor with a thud. Bitsy watches the kitchen entrance but eventually jumps out of Juju's arms onto the counter. 

BITSY: I don't like her.
JUJU: Well, she doesn't like you, either.
BITSY: GOOD.

Juju decides she'd like some coffee, because she must be alert to a) avoid being a human pin cushion and b) defuse any kitty incidents that may (will) occur. Behind her, she hears Bitsy leap onto the washer and land (again) on her shoulder. 

BITSY: I forgot I wanted you to take me to the living room. Your fleece is calling me. 
JUJU: Sigh. Fine. Coffee can wait.


THE END.
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